hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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