Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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