Already got asked if we're dating
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
