i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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