I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
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You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
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I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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