I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
