I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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