I wish I could punch you in the face.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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