Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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