OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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