I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
