Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
false alarm, still single
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
