He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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