I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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