Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
