i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
