NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
