I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
