i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just cropdusted the office
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize