Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
