I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize