I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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