I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
