note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
