I hate your face
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
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It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
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Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.