Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
