we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
