I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
