i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
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I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
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Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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