I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
