Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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