ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
