Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Success! We fucked roommates!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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