she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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