While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize