I wish I could punch you in the face.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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