just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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