we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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