I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
