he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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