I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
