Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
