Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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