I cockslap morals
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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