the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
