It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
