cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
