So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
