Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
