WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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