i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
