Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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