how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
