It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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