9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
