as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
