Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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