Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
