I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
