things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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