You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
