Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
