um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
