Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
