Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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