Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
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Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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